ruining a favorite childhood story
If I was an Indian, would you be my cupboard? after too many minutes of thinking this one through, i can only come up with sexual meanings to this question. penis = indian, vagina = cupboard if anyone has other suggestions, i’ll take them. but now i’m pissed because i loved that book, and now i’ll never think of it the same way again. asshole.
the 28-year-old virgin
would u like to have some sex? eeh=D what’s with silly emoticons following blatant proposals for sex? he lists “Losing My Virginity As Soon As Possible” as his Interest. then his profile talks about how he is reincarnated from some biblical figure. i googled the group he says he is in charge of, but no dice. i can only assume that his profile is fake or mostly fake....
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear “I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it” and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch’s grape juice. thanks for warning me to never accept a romantic...
my ex-boyfriends are pussies
You know how I know all of your boyfriends have been insensitive pricks? Cuz when was the last time they told you, you’re eyes look like space crystals.. this reminds me of the time i went into a restaurant and the waiter kept complimenting my eyes, and told me he was going to name them sapphire. he then creepily suggested to me and my friends that HE was what they were serving for...
this is my 'fuck off' face
you like to code? lol laughing at my career is probably not the best way to get on my good side. he followed up with the clarification that he is a web developer but doesn’t know any women who like it. the fact that he didn’t realize that this clarification would actually make him seem like an even bigger douchebag apparently escaped him.
Did you hear about Chuck Norris’ dog? It was trained to pick up its own crap because Chuck Norris doesn’t take crap from anyone! lol Anyways… i appreciate men who let me know up front that they have a retarded sense of humor.
activities: jersey shore, drinking games
…New York! why are u over there? you should be here in Jersey where the party’s at! i mean, who could argue with that?
nothing says creep like stating you're not a creep
i’m not even going to try and dissect this thing. though i thought the emoticons were a nice touch. hi u seem pretty cool. how r u. LOL JK. did u rly think i was being serious? im not a typical faggot that is like “OMG HOW R U” like srsly wtf. anyways i like what i see. message me if u like what you see. HELL, im going to be honest… LETS HOOK UP :) I am not a player, i am...
he had put a ring on it
Me: Wait, you were with someone for six years?
Him: Yeah. I was married. Well, I'm getting a divorce.
Me: [stunned pause] You're still married?
Him: Technically, yes.
Me: Um, how long have you be separated?
Him: Almost a month.
Him: I never really loved her. It doesn't really count.
Me: Don't you think that's something you should have told me... earlier?
Me: I think you should go.
foot fetish dude
hey i think we may have a lot in common, msg me back if u would like… esp if u would like to suck my toes. i’m not sure what part of my profile hinted that i might actually want to suck this dude’s toes, but i was half-tempted to ask him so i could remove that apparently incriminating tidbit.