07 4 / 2011
i just want you to know. i party.
From a friend:
I just got a message from a fat dude who looks like he’s 17 on okcupid whose screen name is horniemofo469. And he asked if I wanted to party. EPIC FAIL.
03 4 / 2011
i’m not sure i like what you’re implying
Care to have a chat before you die?
and i mean, at least give me a reason why i should make it a priority to chat with you before i die. you’re pretty far down on the list as of now, but if you made it worth my while i might consider bumping you up a few notches.
03 4 / 2011
marriage proposal p.1
- 1: You got into an anesthesiology program? That's great!
- 2: Yeah. So you should just marry me. In four years I'll be making at least $400,000k / year.
- 1: Um, can I just wait and marry you in four years then?
03 4 / 2011
i don't follow your 'logic'
- 1: I don't really know that I was anything in high school. I kind of just... existed.
- 2: You were a rebel weren't you?
- 1: Uh, I don't know? What do you mean by rebel?
- 2: C'mon, you were a rebel. Tattoos, haircut, the way you dress. Just admit it.
- 1: I was also the valedictorian. 'Cause I'm hardcore like that.
- 2: No you weren't. How did that happen?
- 1: I wasn't an idiot? How on earth do you come up with the idea that tattoos and being a valedictorian are mutually exclusive?
- 2: [silence]
- 1: Ass.
31 3 / 2011
ruining a favorite childhood story
If I was an Indian, would you be my cupboard?
after too many minutes of thinking this one through, i can only come up with sexual meanings to this question.
penis = indian, vagina = cupboard
if anyone has other suggestions, i’ll take them. but now i’m pissed because i loved that book, and now i’ll never think of it the same way again. asshole.